tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20440617.post4560715453129152636..comments2023-05-02T01:13:15.498-07:00Comments on Grace Undressed: in the fleshGracehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13246990884639753146noreply@blogger.comBlogger27125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20440617.post-69315668238716026272009-03-14T22:03:00.000-07:002009-03-14T22:03:00.000-07:00I just wanted to say thank you for writing that. I...I just wanted to say thank you for writing that. It was very powerful and it brought up a lot for me, especially the paragraph about how forgiveness isn't a one-off deal but a continuing cycle of pain.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20440617.post-40616934067922198782009-03-14T22:02:00.000-07:002009-03-14T22:02:00.000-07:00I just wanted to say thank you for writing that. I...I just wanted to say thank you for writing that. It was very powerful and it brought up a lot for me, especially the paragraph about how forgiveness isn't a one-off deal but a continuing cycle of pain.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20440617.post-19920981642369565212009-02-26T15:14:00.000-08:002009-02-26T15:14:00.000-08:00Wow. I fell behind, Grace, and when I come back t...Wow. I fell behind, Grace, and when I come back there is knock-your-socks off writing better than everything you've already given us.<BR/><BR/>I once heard that "forgiveness is giving up all hope for a better past." I've been forgiving my parents for decades. It gets easier, it truly does. It is a forgiving that is good for me, regardless whether it is appreciated or not. <BR/><BR/>Wonderful, tremendous post. Thank you.<BR/><BR/>WallyAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20440617.post-11065719361317086182009-01-25T18:27:00.000-08:002009-01-25T18:27:00.000-08:00A small thing I learned in dealing with my own fam...A small thing I learned in dealing with my own family issues is:<BR/><BR/>Forgiveness is the giving up of all hope for a better past.<BR/><BR/>Once I got that, I moved forward.Yogihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18149759309589778285noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20440617.post-41144957867764212122008-12-11T11:08:00.000-08:002008-12-11T11:08:00.000-08:00Well, I can't tell anyone else that they should or...Well, I can't tell anyone else that they should or shouldn't forgive the early authority figures that hurt them. But I know this for myself: I was in my twenties before I actually realized how mad I was at my family. Beleive it or not, before that I was kind of unaware. I left home as soon as possible, never visited, didn't call, rarely talked about my early life with people I met. I knew I was somehow disatisfied, but it was a long time before I actually remembered that burning hatred I used to feel against my dad. Somehow, I'd completely put it out of my head. It was like all of a sudden realizing there's a huge piece of furniture in the room that you haven't looked at in years and didn't even know was there. <BR/><BR/>Almost as soon I as I realized how much I still hated my father, I felt compelled to forgive him. For me, as long as I stay mad at him for the things he did is as long as those things have power over my life. Forgiving him is how I try to take back the parts of my childhood that were so deeply marked by pain and fear. <BR/><BR/>Forgiving has meant trying to understand who my dad is and why he did what he did. That process has been incredibly liberating for me. I grew up with the idea that there I had this terrible, inherent, unnameable flaw that would always make people hate me and want to hurt me. Once I understood that the rage and violence came from my Dad's own experiences, I knew it wasn't in me. Something I had always assumed was internal became external and I was free to be who I wanted to be, not the whipping girl of the universe anymore.Gracehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13246990884639753146noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20440617.post-50809155688919697762008-12-11T07:37:00.000-08:002008-12-11T07:37:00.000-08:00Thank you, Grace. This was incredibly powerful.Thank you, Grace. This was incredibly powerful.machinelfhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11665991623152314575noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20440617.post-45599064111899731172008-12-10T09:14:00.000-08:002008-12-10T09:14:00.000-08:00Grace, you can be a seriously awesome writer. You ...Grace, you can be a seriously awesome writer. You are sittin on a gold mine so to speak. Think about it.Anitahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03457411486611341452noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20440617.post-24300996988434655012008-12-09T19:58:00.000-08:002008-12-09T19:58:00.000-08:00I really hope you are thinking of putting this in ...I really hope you are thinking of putting this in a book form. You'd be a great memoir writer!Curvy Galhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14146544666622054451noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20440617.post-57170700078038188712008-12-07T18:23:00.000-08:002008-12-07T18:23:00.000-08:00My grandparents on my dad's side died early. ...My grandparents on my dad's side died early. They sounded a little sad and a little crazy. My grandparents on my mom's side are both totally repressed emotionally. There's just nothing there. My mom and dad are both completely fucked up, although my mom has mellowed slightly in her older age after divorcing my sociopathic dad and marrying the most chilled-out person on the planet.<BR/><BR/>And I... after many, many years of grey, I'm doing pretty well now. And you are, too, Grace. And our kids will be rock stars.<BR/><BR/>I'd say that's progress.<BR/><BR/>But that doesn't mean it wasn't / isn't easy. Love & hugs.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20440617.post-55340556617618515112008-12-06T09:36:00.000-08:002008-12-06T09:36:00.000-08:00This is my favorite of your posts. Just friggin' b...This is my favorite of your posts. Just friggin' beautiful. But I got daddy issues myself. <BR/><BR/>It is what it is.Frankhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01640031109014198835noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20440617.post-14728606091342340682008-12-05T00:46:00.000-08:002008-12-05T00:46:00.000-08:00Bravo for your raw yet elegant telling of such per...Bravo for your raw yet elegant telling of such personal and intimate feelings and events.<BR/><BR/>*hugs*Rinahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13209460847141125783noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20440617.post-9107916730823161802008-12-04T19:04:00.000-08:002008-12-04T19:04:00.000-08:00my father was also abusive. my mother finally gath...my father was also abusive. my mother finally gathered up the courage and conviction to leave him after 18 years of marriage when i was 16 yrs. by that time i was too bruised emotionally and psychologically to benefit from their separation.<BR/><BR/>i'm now 37 and about 10 or so years ago, in much the same way you have, i started telling my father on the phone that i loved him. recently (although i speak to him maybe 3 times a year), he's started saying it to me first and expecting the response "i love you too". i resent his expectations and half the time i respond, the other i don't.<BR/><BR/>more than anything though, i want to tell him that i might love him but i've never liked him. never. i love him only because he's my horribly faulty and probably equally damaged father. <BR/><BR/>but i'll never ever like him.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20440617.post-1814851969273329962008-12-04T18:28:00.000-08:002008-12-04T18:28:00.000-08:00Your father sounds a lot like mine, except with th...Your father sounds a lot like mine, except with the rest of the family out of the picture. I have similar memories, but I have no intention of ever forgiving. I'm so thankful that my mother's side of the family is separate and distinct, allowing me the option to never speak to him again without giving up the ability to have family in my life. And yeah, sometimes I miss the things we would do together, and I wish he would send me my old shotgun, but asking would require communication and he doesn't deserve that much.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20440617.post-32286863026483255432008-12-04T17:31:00.000-08:002008-12-04T17:31:00.000-08:00Until only a few years ago I was exactly like my f...Until only a few years ago I was exactly like my father, who was like yours on occasion. I always figured I was an alcoholic from the shame of growing into what I feared most in life. Now we have made amends, I have changed, my children and I have wonderful relationships and I still on occasion want to punch that motherfucker in the face..Ropes4uhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07543044164867759692noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20440617.post-25253229017956359142008-12-04T16:00:00.000-08:002008-12-04T16:00:00.000-08:00damn.damn.allegrahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16297106955254220905noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20440617.post-15207300913942027052008-12-04T12:28:00.000-08:002008-12-04T12:28:00.000-08:00Beautiful and tragic and haunting and so true abou...Beautiful and tragic and haunting and so true about forgiveness. Thank you, thank you, thank you.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20440617.post-25482325511987831452008-12-04T12:25:00.000-08:002008-12-04T12:25:00.000-08:00This breaks my heart. The world is awash with laye...This breaks my heart. The world is awash with layers of gray, but I have a hard time seeing some things as other than black or white. I don't think I could forgive your father if I were you.<BR/><BR/>And yet, I did forgive my father for stepping out on our family, fathering another child secretly, and then telling us about it 13 years later. In some way, even though I don't condone what he did, I can understand it, and I couldn't wish for it to be different.<BR/><BR/>So maybe on that level I understand your forgiveness in this.Srahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09654911015547100987noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20440617.post-73135459914272486402008-12-04T11:34:00.000-08:002008-12-04T11:34:00.000-08:00This was lovely. Horrid and moving and loving.This was lovely. Horrid and moving and loving.thordorahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04162106158955358865noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20440617.post-42136916695530885772008-12-04T09:56:00.000-08:002008-12-04T09:56:00.000-08:00Grace, First - hugs.Second - Thank you. I have a s...Grace, <BR/><BR/>First - hugs.<BR/><BR/>Second - Thank you. I have a similar relationship with my mother. I have yet to forgive her and I see that you are correct - it's a lifetime process.<BR/><BR/>You are an amazing writer and you should keep it up.<BR/><BR/>MAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20440617.post-25659814826291104152008-12-04T09:26:00.000-08:002008-12-04T09:26:00.000-08:00We agree that somebody should do something. Except...<EM>We agree that somebody should do something. Except. "Your mom won't say anything to him," she says. "And your brother won't either."<BR/><BR/>That leaves me.</EM><BR/><BR/>Seven years ago, when my mom's lung cancer had come back to finally kill her, and she was in the hospital for the last time, her doctor approached me, my older sister, and my dad, in that hospital corridor, and in a quiet serious voice, explained that a decision needed to be made about whether or not mom wanted to be kept alive on machines or not, if that circumstance came to pass.<BR/><BR/>My dad refused to talk to mom about that. I remember him refusing without actually saying a word, entirely with body language, but it was clear to me and my sister. And my sister just looked at me, the youngest child, and said, "Can you talk to her?"<BR/><BR/>I didn't think I could. But I did. I went in to that room, and climbed up on the bed next to her, almost like I was going to listen to a bedtime story, and she and I went over the form, and she told me that she didn't want to be kept alive if she wasn't <EM>her</EM>, and I knew exactly what she meant.<BR/><BR/>I still feel anger at my dad and sister for making me do that. It felt like it was their responsibility.<BR/><BR/>But someone had to do it, I guess.<BR/><BR/>This post, out of the many amazing things you've written, was the hardest for me to read. But I'm glad you wrote it, and I'm glad I've read it. As always, thank you, Grace.Brian Moonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13454291070572658715noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20440617.post-88971817533575920892008-12-04T09:10:00.000-08:002008-12-04T09:10:00.000-08:00Wonderful Post Grace!Wonderful Post Grace!Anitahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03457411486611341452noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20440617.post-53576519687526164222008-12-04T08:18:00.000-08:002008-12-04T08:18:00.000-08:00I remember certain details vividly, but not like y...I remember certain details vividly, but not like your Hollywood "flashbacks." It can be a little overwhelming though, if I don't feel like thinking about it at the time and can't stop. I think we all have some memories like this.Gracehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13246990884639753146noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20440617.post-4417149352777948132008-12-04T08:06:00.000-08:002008-12-04T08:06:00.000-08:00Amazing post, Grace. I'm always a huge fan of you...Amazing post, Grace. I'm always a huge fan of your writing, but this post is particularly amazing.<BR/><BR/>Dealing with the aging of parents and their inevitable mortality is a difficult thing.Andrew Schwabhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10197277518080964358noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20440617.post-88142171140510278132008-12-04T07:33:00.000-08:002008-12-04T07:33:00.000-08:00Your writing is always exceptional, but this was p...Your writing is always exceptional, but this was particularly stunning. <BR/><BR/>Putting pain to the page is, to me, a way of conquering it and letting it go all in the same stroke.Jae Jaggerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14988765552924536958noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20440617.post-82493063643746599082008-12-04T06:34:00.000-08:002008-12-04T06:34:00.000-08:00Damn, Grace. Your posts just get better and better...Damn, Grace. Your posts just get better and better.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com