My new project is launched! Well, kinda: people have promised to help me find other people who might consider helping me which is good, because this one is going to take a lot of people, and time, and money. I'm making phone calls. I'm making dates. I'm making nice. Life feels real again.
Thank god. Lately stripping has felt less and less like a giddy adventure and and more more like a -- what's the word? -- job. I suck at jobs.
Putting my babykins through art school has lent the whole naked-dancing enterprise a sense of gravitas and purpose for the last six months or so, but I'm basically too selfish for that alone to satisfy me long.
The money is good, but money doesn't motivate me in any reliable way. As long as I can pay the rent on my crumbling mansion and splurge on organic groceries, I'm pretty much good in the money department. If all I'm going to do is have a job -- go to work and come home and hang out on the couch doing Sudoku and watching Sister Wendy's Story of Painting -- then I might as well hang up my heels and get some grunt-level job in public relations or marketing or whatever it is exactly for which my education befits me, and get fat, and have babies, and die.
And that's why it's good to have projects. This one is a biggie. I've been mulling it for a year now and trying to figure out how to make it work, and now it feels like I've had my shoulder to an enormous mill-wheel and I'm finally beginning to hear it creak into motion. Once it gets going, it's going to take all my money and all my time and I'm going to be up nights gnashing my teeth because it's going to seem like it will never work, and I'll lose weight and gain weight and drink too much coffee and go off my meds and fight with my boyfriend and stop leaving the house for weeks at a time and I CAN'T FUCKING WAIT!!!!!!!!