Wednesday, August 30, 2006

fate, huh?

I thought astrology was crap until I'd had a customer service job and it became obvious that, by the pull of the stars or by some other mysterious universal force, everybody has the same stupid ideas at the same exact time. Some days the stars tell everyone to go to a strip club and try to finger the dancer's asshole, or to claim retrospectively that they thought lapdances were free. This week the stars seem to be telling everyone that a snarky redheaded stripper is their ideal woman and destined life partner and that if they wait long enough she will leave her boyfriend and come to them. Or at any rate, the stars are telling people that telling me this will get them laid. The stars are wrong, incidentally. Nice try, though.

Usually telling customers that I love my boyfriend will put them off the scent. When Joe told me the other night that he would wait -- years if necessary -- for me to figure out that he and he alone was the man for me, it was a new one on me. Since then, I've heard nothing but. Seriously, do strip club customers have, like, an annual convention or something where they get together and trade strategies? If so, please tell your brethren they can dump this one. It's not working.


Rocky Raccoon said...

Even if he did wait years, he would then immediately want you to stop stripping once you were with him.

I'm sure you've heard it all but when they try to finger your asshole...what's the farthest anyone's gotten?

Anonymous said...

What if the next 'Joel' offered you $5,000 for a little ass-fingering? Would that "moisten" things up? I personally have never figured out why a guy would pay for this. It must be part of the kink. There are plenty of fine young girls who will practically pay a fella for a little analingus. "Why pay for a poke when you can lick the ass for free?" as I always say.

Anonymous said...

I'm a new reader picked your link from mcgirls page and glad I did too. I like your style and tales of behind the dressing room door. This reminds of a joke I heard,

What does a stripper do to her asshole before work?

she drops him off at band practice.

Keep it up I love your insights.

Brad K. said...

To beg off, does 'Not tonight' work? Don't let the guy go any further, don't give details, just a simple No. Of course this implies that there might be another answer on another night. We all know 'manana never comes' (could you make a song of that?), but that will be another day, maybe a couple more tips.

Once you start answering, you have to give excuses, 'I am driving a friend's car, and have to get it back tonite', 'Two of the other girls asked me to join them for a shower and quiet time' (not!), or 'I rented "Man of the House" to watch tonight' (just to watch the girls give Tommy Lee Jones a makeover).

Of course, 'Not Tonight,' said with a smile, might imply more tips, dances, etc. might change the next night's answer -- just don't promise anything. Not 'Another time', just 'not tonight, honey'.

Or doesn't that work, at least with the mostly-sober guys? I realize the drunks can only hear themselves, maybe they would respond to a 'Not tonight after you are already wasted!' Be kind, polite, leave them their illusions, but don't let them maneuver the conversation, either.


Brad K.